Fun Time VHS Bonanza #2: Bibleman!

First, there was Batman. Then, there was Birdman. One caused the demand for gritty comic-book movies to skyrocket. The latter film mocked the very same genre, and went on to win Oscars and Academy Awards for its breakthrough performances and dazzling cinematography. And yet, people have forgotten the arguably superior superhero movie to all of the others.

I’m talking about Bibleman. The superhero that wields an off-brand light saber powered by Christ’s magic. The film that “graced” televisions across the country featured a hero that conquered doubt from bald villains and the familial problems of local church-going children.

It was just Easter, after all.

Released in 1998, Bibleman Adventures: Defeating the Shadow of Doubt was a television movie starring Willie Ames  (of Charles in Charge fame), created with the sole mission of delivering the message of God to the late 90’s prime-time Cheetos junk food crowd.

See, during this time, “racy” shows such as Ren and Stimpy and Beavis and Butt-Head were in syndication on those gosh-darn MTV’s. Quality Christian family programming could hardly stand a chance against the edgier television going on just a few channels ahead on the TV Guide.

What was the solution? Combine rough-and-tumble superhero action with biblical proverbs and Christian values. And thus, Bibleman was born.

Bibleman’s Origin

Any sub-par superhero has an origin story – and boy, does Bibleman’s pack a punch. [Secret Identity Name] was a rich man, perhaps a product of the corporate rat-race (where his riches come from are never exactly detailed). During a night of desperation, he retreats to the rainy woods and screams to the heavens because his life is devoid of Christ or something. Then, he finds a Bible under the mud and devotes his life to Christ’s magical powers. And, that’s really it. He buys an underground base and hires a lackey, because he’s rich.

Storyline

Each episode generally follows Bibleman fighting some enemy of the “sin-like” variety. Villains that preach anger, evil, and doubt.

Doubt was the issue of the episode entitled Defeating the Shadow of Doubt, as Bibleman tries to help a young girl named Kyla with retaining faith in God while her parents are fighting. The Shadow of Doubt is the name of an actual villain. And this villain somehow uses his powers to introduce doubt (a purple-ish magic aura) to our intrepid hero, causing him to writhe in pain and fear a life without God. The villain is bald, has pierced ears, and a fun mask over his eyes. Truly evil.

And you can guess where the story goes from here. Awkwardly choreographed fight scene after tense dialogue after fight scene. It seems to follow a weirdly disjointed formula – the only reason for that being that they can’t actually show permanent injury or true pain. So it just kind of meanders until Bibleman is able to use the power of God to defeat the Shadow of Doubt in an underwhelming action sequence.

That’s pretty much it. The worst part of Bibleman is that as aggressively cheesy as it is, it’s so uninspired that there isn’t much to even make fun of. Its weird existence almost seems unwarranted compared to most of the other content that you can find from that point in time.

To Conclude

All in all, Bibleman’s questionable quality wasn’t exactly surprising. It really makes you wonder about the state of modern family television – if being “family friendly” dooms your programming to only being classified as bizarre or just sadly mediocre.

Some viewers on the internet actually seemed to be nostalgic for the show, remembering back to when they spent their family time in front of the television watching Bibleman and other christian programming.

So maybe it’s not all bad. Unfortunately for the rest of the public, we’ll only see this as a poorly made attempt at combining demographics and teaching religious lessons.

Did you ever watch Bibleman? What other weird relics from TV do you remember?

(top image source: B&H Kids)