UNDER THE EIFFEL TOWER: Where’s My Rom-Com?

I love romantic comedies. They’re an easy-going genre of film with expectations that are clearly laid out, that need to be met. We watch them, at times, because we know what’s going to happen. They’ll meet, fall in love, one of them will mess up, and then they’ll end up back together after a wedding is interrupted. But the formulaic predictability of the rom com doesn’t deter from its quality.

I don’t mean to say that they don’t take skill or brain power to write. I think there’s value in a film that won’t subvert your expectations. It’s comforting to know what’s going to happen. We live lives of uncertainty, so we seek foresight wherever we can find it.

But a rom-com, for all of its predictability, should still be good. Just because the outline and beats of the plot are anticipated, doesn’t mean that film should skimp on the things that make it a film: score, acting, dialogue, editing – these things still matter, no matter what kind of film your making.

I’m Not Having Fun

And I wish that Under the Eiffel Tower held itself to these standards. Starring Matt Walsh (whom you probably know from HBO’s Veep), Under the Eiffel Tower follows Walsh’s Stuart, a man in the throes of a mid-life crisis. Down in the dumps, he tags along with his friend’s family to Paris, and proposes to his friend’s 26-year-old daughter, only to be rejected and forced to spend the trip alone due to his embarrassment. Stuart meets Louise in the French countryside (Judith Godréche) and the two spend the remainder of the film falling in love. Obviously.

On paper, I love this. A 50-year-old who’s down on his luck proposing to his friend’s daughter only to be rejected and shunned? All set in the French countryside? Sure! It sounds like the kind of awkward situation Michael Scott would find himself in on any given episode of The Office.

But it plays out in all the worst ways. Under the Eiffel Tower feels like a film that knows what notes it’s supposed to hit, but forgot what key the song was in. Matt Walsh is a hilarious comic, but the film seems to have something against him doing what he does best. After proposing to his friend’s daughter, the scene plays out as pathetic and forgettable, when it should be one of the memorable moments of the film. I’d have preferred a trombone playing the, “Wah, wah, wahhhh” sound effect to the bland way it plays out.

Something’s Not Right Here

In fact, the film boasts an entire cast of talented comedic actors that seem trapped by the rules of a rom-com. Reid Scott (who, for reasons unbeknownst to me, sports an uncomfortably bad Scottish accent) paired with the likes of David Wain and Michaela Watkins should be enough to make this a rom-com for the ages. But Under the Eiffel Tower has a story to tell and won’t take the time to let its actors have a bit of fun.

Beyond a cast that seems to have nothing to do, the dialogue that moves the plot of this film along is so glaringly odd and out of place at some points that it took me out of the film in a violent fashion. An example: Stuart makes dinner for Louise. When Louise sees what he’s made, and sees the roasted vegetables, she remarks, “Where did you get these vegetables, from my fridge?” Why…was that left in the script? Under the Eiffel Tower is full of moments of clunky dialogue like this that come off as bad ad-lib rather than realistic or genuine.

Worst Of All

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t point out the fact that Louise is married in the film, and is cheating on her husband with Stuart. Her husband is in a wheelchair. And is dying. If you just felt yourself mouth, “What the hell…” congrats, you are having the correct reaction. It’s not that her husband is particularly awful to her, but the film seems to rationalize that the cheating is okay because he’s on his way out of this world (he dies toward the end of the film).

Under the Eiffel Tower just doesn’t have the spirit that a rom-com needs. The characters don’t seem to like each other, and the actors don’t seem to be having fun in their roles. There’s no laughter, no moments where the friends encourage the guy to get the girl. It’s just a boring movie that won’t let the actors make it something special.

Under The Eiffel Tower: Conclusion

Under the Eiffel Tower feels like an embarrassing first draft that wasn’t meant to see the light of day. It should be an interesting behind the scenes tidbit that should be on the DVD extras. “Well, we almost made her cheat on her dying husband, but we thought that might be too much.” But unfortunately, it’s not. This is the final cut.

I guess this makes me want to ask: what’s the worst rom-com you’ve ever seen? Do you think your love for rom-coms will still make you want to check out Under the Eiffel Tower?

If you do, Under the Eiffel Tower is available on Video On Demand now.