UNCONTROL, A First-time Director’s Diary #1: The Journey Begins

This is the first entry in a limited column in which I’ll talk about working on my directorial debut, and the day-to-day realities and anxieties involved with filmmaking. It’s my goal to be completely honest, and on top of that, I hope to demystify the filmmaking process a little – as much for myself as for you. I’ve always wanted to be a filmmaker, I’ve been a screenwriter for years now, and have courted the film industry through both my efforts for Film Inquiry and activism – so I’m inclined to say I have a bit of an understanding of how the film industry works.

So, it’s time for me to finally take the leap and direct my first short film. I hope you’ll join me on this journey, you’re warmly invited.

To start, I’ll be honest right away: the title of this first column is a little misleading. My journey to bring one of my scripts to the screen didn’t begin just now, but… Almost a year and a half ago. Let me take you back.

March, 2019: Wrote and pitched a horror short

I wrote a two-page horror short. I don’t even remember why. It might’ve been to challenge myself – I’d been screenwriting for about three years at that point and had already completed a few features, too. But shorts are an interesting challenge on their own, and I wanted to tell a complete story as efficiently as possible. I wrote the script, titled it Uncontrol. Sent it to a few friends, who told me it was good. Didn’t think about it much after that.

Fast forward a few months – May, 2019. I was invited to pitch short horror content at Fox Digital Studios: they were looking for “bite-size horror”, and the scripts had to be super short. Instantly I thought of my horror short, Uncontrol, which would be perfect for this. I got to pitch three shorts between my friend and me (Kelly Perine, actor – he and I got to pitch together), so I wrote two more with Kelly. We went to the Fox studio lot in Hollywood, and I was so nervous. I was very grateful I had an experienced actor with me who’d been in that position many times before.

We pitched, felt like we rocked it, but never made it to the next round – there were many other people pitching, too. That was fine – in the game of Hollywood pitching, I know not to expect much. Furthermore, I knew many of the others who were pitching shorts and knowing now whom they picked, they made great choices. Overall, the opportunity to pitch something to a bunch of Hollywood execs was a very worthwhile experience.

So back into the drawer Uncontrol went. So far, I had never really thought about directing the short myself.

August, 2019: …I could actually direct this (?)

That changed – and I owe it to Jenny Waldo. Jenny is a writer/director and film professor based in Houston TX, where I live as well. We’ve become friends since I moved to Houston. The Houston film scene is very small. Jenny is one of few filmmakers who’ve managed to shoot a feature independently here. She directed her debut feature film, Acid Test, in July/August 2019, and I joined the set one day to do some behind-the-scenes photography.

It was the first-ever set with a positive vibe I’d ever visited. That in itself was an absolute eye-opener for me. I’d been to a few sets before, but my experiences had been pretty sour. Seeing Jenny at work, with her amazing first assistant director and producer Anna Tran, director of photography Kay Ennis, and the rest of the crew and the great, friendly, supportive, encouraging vibe… Whew. My mind was blown. This is what it could be like?! Hard work, but everyone was happy?? All I ever heard were the “war front” stories from Hollywood sets, gruelling hours, abusive directors, and all. And that’s what my personal experience had been thus far. I knew I wanted to be a filmmaker, but I just couldn’t imagine it being anything like that – it didn’t appeal to me.

That one day on the set of Acid Test changed everything for me, and I started to seriously consider that maybe – MAYBE – I could also do something like that. And it made me think of Uncontrol again. It’s a short short. One location. One character. A few practical effects, nothing wild. It’s so doable. Eep. Am I going to direct a short film?!

In September 2019, I asked a friend to help me create a budget to potentially shoot Uncontrol. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was fairly determined. I say fairly because my resolve was still pretty unsteady. I submitted to the Houston Arts Alliance for a grant – for anyone who’s never submitted to an arts or film grant before, it’s a lot of work. I didn’t get the grant. Even though I wasn’t expecting much, it still demotivated me.

I saw Jenny again after she resurfaced from production in October 2019 – we went to Austin Film Festival together and shared a room. Somewhere along the line, I’d asked her to read my short – she had some great tips, which I incorporated into the short, but also, she was so, so encouraging. She made me feel, again, like I could do this. I didn’t know how and I still didn’t know where to start but that seed was truly planted firmly now. Again, I owe a lot to Jenny.

Starting pre-production in the middle of a pandemic

Between October 2019 and March of this year, I traveled a lot. Then, the pandemic happened.

I’ve been in self-isolation since then, pretty much. My approach to this thing has been to focus on work. I wasn’t in a great headspace for a while, but the work I can control. I wrote a new horror feature, worked on Film Inquiry behind-the-scenes, did more work for Women of Color Unite, and set up a whole diversity, equity & inclusion program with #Startwith8Hollywood, and started to think about Uncontrol again.

Along the way, I came across the free webinars and consulting sessions that Seed&Spark (one of our partners) offers to help filmmakers crowdfund their films. I attended a few webinars, got a consulting session, and… realized that I could actually, actually make Uncontrol happen.

The only thing left in my way was – well – me. I’m someone who has a hard time asking for help. So I realized I needed to get over myself and my anxieties – I know filmmaking is a collaborative art form, and I need people to help me this bring to life. First of all, I needed a lead. I’m not an actor and have zero aspirations to be one.  I reached out to my friend Tene Carter, a very talented actor and drama teacher here in Houston, and asked her if she’d like to read my short and consider the lead role. She read it and said yes to the role! I was completely blown away, and also wildly overwhelmed!

A few weeks later, I finally took a stab, and reached out to Anna Tran, who I mentioned before was a producer on Acid Test. Well, I’m happy to say she said yes too, and she’s now on board as a producer of Uncontrol! To me this feels like such a milestone; I finally took that leap, got someone on board who has way more experience than I do with physical production. Anna has worked on several features and has directed her own shorts and music videos. I know development, and I know a little bit of pre-production, and I know film marketing and distribution, but physical production, the actual logistics of a set and shooting a film is still a mystery to me, and I knew that’s my biggest blind spot. So far, as expected, Anna has been amazing, she’s an absolute powerhouse.

Onward

It’s August 18th today, the day of the launch of the Uncontrol crowdfunding campaign. It’s also, coincidentally, the fifth anniversary of my father’s death. which felt oddly and beautifully serendipitous.

I can’t begin to explain how excited I am – we’ve already put in so much work into the film, we’ve already found a good chunk of our crew and I’ve already learned so much – which I’ll expand on next week. Once we successfully fund the film, we’re looking at shooting in October – pandemic willing.

Please give the campaign a follow and a few bucks if you can spare them. You can also find us on Twitter, we’ll be using the #Uncontrol hashtag, and you can find me @manondereeper and Anna @annatranfilms.

Have you directed a short film? Have you wanted to? I would love to hear the stories of other filmmakers and wannabe filmmakers – what helped you take that first step (especially if you didn’t go to film school, like me), or what’s kept you from pursuing your dream.