SIDEKICKS: Chuck Norris’ Exercise In Vanity

As a kid, I took tae-kwon-do for two years, where I earned the rank of blue belt. That exposure to a martial art served as a gateway to consuming martial art based entertainment. I was nuts about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show, movies, games and toys. Additionally, I watched The Karate Kid parts I and II until the tapes broke. You can imagine my anticipation to see Sidekicks in the cinema.

My dad took me to see it in the theater, and I felt giddy through the whole car ride. After the movie, the feeling I had wasn’t a love or hate toward Sidekicks. Something felt off, and as a ten year old, I could not articulate my thoughts fully. I rewatched it a few years back, and now I’m able to express what I couldn’t 25 years ago.

Nostalgia can be a risky affair. It presents the risk that a movie or show that you enjoyed may not hold up, destroying your childhood (as the online world frequently whines about). Not only does Sidekicks not hold up, it is a poorly executed vanity project for Chuck Norris.

Family Support

Sidekicks is directed by Aaron Norris, the brother of Chuck Norris, who produced or directed many of his brother’s TV and movie projects. Chuck Norris has a limited acting range like many of these action stars, but makes up for it with charisma and kicking ass. It would make sense to have a family member go the extra mile to make you look good.

In this universe, Norris is shown as the greatest action star to walk the earth. His brother stages many elaborate fantasy sequences where Norris and the main character, Barry (Jonathan Brandis) are, well, sidekicks who always save the day. Even against an army of hundreds, they seem to always beat them with one hand tied behind their backs.

These fantasies are the daydreams of Barry, Norris’ biggest fan. He’s seen every movie, reads Black Belt magazine and hopes to be as confident and strong as his idol. Barry reminds everyone around him (sometimes talking to himself) just how amazing his hero is. We got it the first twenty times, Barry.

Incompetent Vanity

Norris is the best thing in the world to Barry, a lonely and sickly kid. With all of this build-up, the filmmaker should create necessary images to show just how great his idol is. Unfortunately for Aaron Norris, this vanity project is a deeply flawed one.

The film first fails on a technical standpoint. There are amateurish continuity errors present that would commonly show up on a bad movie YouTube channel, not a major Hollywood production. When Barry’s father (Beau Bridges) meets his son’s teacher, the boom mic is very visible, and it’s not a blink-and-miss it either. Also, in one fantasy sequence, the beverage quantity changes shot to shot. This must be why coverage and takes are a big part of the movie-making process.

The fantasy sequences aren’t that interesting either. The fight choreography is bland, and they all follow the same damsel-in-distress pattern where the heroes easily save the girl. At least there is some variety (war movie, western, martial art, fantasy, etc.) because the other incompetency is its story outside the realm of Barry’s daydreams.

Karate Kid Rip-Off

When Barry does not build castles in the air as Chuck Norris’ ultimate pal in fighting evil, he lives in the world of a Karate Kid rip-off. If you watch the movies side-by-side (like sidekicks, ha!), you would be dumbfounded by the many similarities and story beats. I’m sure a podcaster somewhere is conducting a drinking game based on this.

Like The Karate Kid, Sidekicks follows a bullied loner who wants a girl, but can’t seem to impress her. He has a single parent that doesn’t seem to know how to help, and both think karate is the answer. Barry even goes to a karate school run by a sadistic instructor, played by a questionably cartoony (is he reading a script from a different movie?) Joe Piscopo. There is even a big karate tournament at the end, where Barry can show off the skills he learned from an old Asian mentor. Unfortunately, Mr. Miyagi is unavailable.

The Mr. Miyagi surrogate is Mako, a relative of one of Barry’s teachers. Mako trains Barry, but lacks the twinkle in his eye that made Pat Morita’s character so iconic. Mako comes across as underused. His character does not have time to grow, with too much of the focus placed on the fantasy sequences and not the training. I can see why the movie doesn’t have a “flying crane kick” or any other notable moves.

Sidekicks: Final Thoughts

The poster of this movie shows Norris and Brandis by each other, and from that, one would assume that they would interact in a real world setting. Unfortunately, Norris doesn’t enter the movie reality until the finale! Norris, of course, upstages Barry in a fight scene due to a subplot of him and Piscopo involved in a feud? Whatever, Norris spends the movie as the Hobbes to Barry’s Calvin, only to finally be real at the end of the story.

The movie is just a Karate Kid knockoff too late to the party and used as a vehicle to give Norris something similar. Unfortunately, a vehicle to show him as the greatest action star (not to knock the guy, but the greatest in anything is subjective) is a sloppy project for his talents. Fortunately for Norris, one year later he starred in his own TV series, Walker: Texas Ranger, a more suitable project for him. A project that served as a recurring Conan O’Brien gag and possible source of all those Chuck Norris internet jokes.

Do you think this is a vanity project? Who are some other stars that made similar movies? Please leave a comment below.