RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE S13E1 “The Pork Chop”: The 2021 Stress Check Nobody Asked For

RuPaul’s Drag Race is now in its thirteenth season so of course, Mama Ru is throwing out a twist or two. But are these twists the ones that we need or the ones that we deserve? If you asked me – based on this single cliffhanger episode – the answer is neither. There’s nothing wrong with throwing a wrench into the Drag Race formula (that’s how the saying goes, right?) but man, this is just a little too much for a premiere. 

But let’s Turn Back Time* a bit and give a little background. One: Season twelve was a mess due to the Sherry Pie scandal and the dreaded COVID-19 pandemic, thus leaving fans and viewers wanting something substantial in the regular series follow-up. Two: Season thirteen was filmed and produced during the pandemic, thus requiring some changes in production like, perhaps, a need to have fewer queens interact with one another at one time.

*If you’re not referencing Cher, you’re not writing about RuPaul’s Drag Race

With these obstacles in mind, production surely had to go back to the drawing board. In premieres of seasons’ past, the queens make their entrances, one-at-a-time, give a Real Housewives-style entrance line, first impressions are made, shade is thrown. The queens then meet RuPaul and are usually given a Mini-Challenge and then a Maxi-Challenge, which declares a Top winner for the week, and then two Bottom losers who must then Lip Sync For Your Life and fight to stay. Some seasons have deviated from this formula but none quite like season thirteen. 

It Takes Two to Make the Thing Go Right

Instead of over a dozen queens meeting one-at-a-time and getting to know each other a little bit, two queens meet and then are immediately shuttled to the mainstage where they’re interviewed by RuPaul and the judges Michelle Visage, Carson Kressley, and Ross Mathews. After the judges get to know the queens a little bit (which is something new), RuPaul then has each set of queens lip-sync against each other – the winners get to stay but the losers get the “Pork Chop” a reference to the franchise’s very first eliminated queen, Victoria “Porkchop” Parker. 

The pairs of queens and their lip syncs are as follows:

• Kandy Muse VS Joey Jay with “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen 

• LaLa Ri VS Denali with “When I Grow Up” by The Pussycat Dolls

• Symone VS Tamisha Iman with “The Pleasure Principle” by Janet Jackson

• Gottmik VS Utica Queen with “Rumors” by Lindsey Lohan

• Olivia Lux VS Rosé with “Ex’s and Oh’s” by Elle King
• Tina Burner VS Kahmora Hall VS Elliott With 2 Ts with “Lady Marmalade” by Christina Aguilera, P!nk, Mya, and Lil Kim

And while some of the lip syncs were good, most were forgettable and, unfortunately, took up a large portion of the episode. The last time there were so many Lip Syncs For Your Life in one episode was All Stars 4 when eliminated queens had the chance to return to the competition via lip sync battles and that was a great time.                                                                         

This, however, is completely unprecedented; why would they have half of the queens leave the show before they even get a real chance to compete? There has to be more to this, and by the end of the episode we the viewers – and the queens who got the “Pork Chop” – get a tiny glimmer of hope in the weeks to come. But man, it takes a while to even get to that point. While it is a great reality TV twist to prematurely kick half of the contestants to the curb, the episode completely drags. 

Where Do We Go From Here?

Even if you don’t watch the episode with commercials, the fact that there are six different lip syncs at the top of the episode makes it a real chore to watch. Of the six lip syncs, the queens who got the “Pork Chop” were Joey Jay, Denali, Tamisha Iman, Utica Queen, Rosé, Kahmora Hall, and Elliott With 2 Ts. 

As they were sequestered to a room with a wall filled with portraits of first-out queens of previous seasons, the queens tried to figure what is actually going on. Denali and Joey weren’t convinced that this was the end for all of them, while Tamisha had accepted their fates. Even though this is reality TV, these scenes with the “Pork Chop” queens feel a little exploitative and are just a complete bummer – do we really want to kick off 2021 this stressed?

By the time the episode ends and a big “To Be Continued…” appears across the screen, some dread is lifted at the “Pork Chop” queens getting the chance to Ru-deem themselves – but only by a little. This is because RuPaul gave an announcement that the seven queens must vote one of the “Pork Chop” queens out of the competition and…damn, what more are they going to put these girls through? In the words of Denali: “What kind of All Stars bullshit is this?” All I can say is that episode two better make up for these shenanigans. I feel like it will but still! This is a lot!

Conclusion: “The Pork Chop”

It’s not really fun to watch seven queens be so down on themselves, and when the scene changes to the winning queens and their celebratory drinks, it’s difficult to really root for any of them. Maybe production wants some real underdog storylines, but there is just too much emotional baggage attached to this episode and the follow-up Untucked episode to feel any kind of connection to these queens.

This is especially such a shame because this season has so many incredible contestants: Tamisha Iman and LaLa Ri are drag mother-and-daughter, Kahmora Hall has actual Bob Mackie gowns with her, Kandy Muse threw some serious shade at her drag mother and Drag Race alumna Aja, and Gottmik is the very first trans man to ever grace the stage of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Instead of really getting to know most of them in this first episode, we watch six lip-sync songs in a row. To be fair though, we do get some background on Tamisha’s fight with cancer and a possible feud brewing between New York City queens Tina Burner and Rosé, which is enough actual storyline to sustain me as I slogged through this episode.

In the back of my mind, I feel like the fact that since the show is kicking things off by tossing the queens into the deep-end of the pool (and then holding seven heads underwater) that we may get a lot more personal narratives from the contestants as the season progresses. And who knows, maybe the fact that this was filmed during the pandemic means that they have to keep the queens separated into two groups and that nobody is allowed to really leave. But that’s just me being optimistic, and after such a negative premiere episode, that’s all I can cling to at this moment. 

What did you think of the season premiere? Which queen do you think will get voted off? Do you think that a vote will actually take place? Let us know in the comments below!

A new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 13 can be seen every Friday at 8/7c on VH1.