THE PREDATOR: 80’s Action Schlock Gone Horribly Wrong

Yes, The Predator does feature the line “Get to the choppa!” No, it’s not a very good film.

1987’s Predator wasn’t exactly rocket science, but as far as macho 80’s action cinema goes, it’s a masterpiece in its own right, bolstered by expertly staged combat sequences, awesome creature effects, and a commanding performance by Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was a towering achievement, one that spawned a series of diminishing returns, including 1990’s occasionally-solid-but-mostly-just-mediocre Predator 2, 2010’s surprisingly-good-but-not-exactly-great Predators, and the better-off-unmentioned spin-offs Alien vs. Predator and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. There appeared to be no more room for this franchise to grow.

Enter writer/director Shane Black, himself fresh off the successes of Iron Man 3 and The Nice Guys. Black had a reputation for being a purveyor of some of the greatest action movie screenplays of the 80’s and 90’s, including Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout, and The Long Kiss Goodnight, before breaking out into directing with 2005’s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. He even had a brief supporting role in the original Predator. Needless to say, when Black signed on to helm the latest installment in the Predator-verse, expectations were moderately high.

Which is why it’s all the more disappointing to say that The Predator is the single worst project Black has ever laid his hands on. Obnoxious, inexplicable, and seemingly edited with a blender, The Predator represents the nadir of Black’s filmmaking sensibilities, preferring to audiovisual assault over telling a halfway satisfying story. It’s a brainless, tone-deaf picture, loaded with retrograde characterizations and egregious special effects, suggesting that Black’s next project should be retirement.

Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing

The Predator kicks things off with an ear-splitting chase sequence between two alien spaceships that acts as a harbinger for the painful 100 minutes to come. When one of the ships crash lands in Mexico, its location is intercepted by US Army sniper Quinn McKenna (a bland and unremarkable Boyd Holbrook). McKenna absconds with the extraterrestrial’s armor and mails it to his autistic son, Rory (Jacob Tremblay), before getting arrested and brought in for questioning by government stooge Traeger (an irritating Sterling K. Brown). Eventually, McKenna is bussed off with a group of fellow military “loonies,” including Nebraska (Trevante Rhodes, the lone bright spot in this abysmal movie), Coyle (Keegan-Michael Key), and Baxley (Thomas Jane).

Meanwhile, the unconscious Predator is transferred back to Military Science Lab for observation, overseen by Dr. Casey Bracket (Olivia Munn), a renowned evolutionary biologist (so renowned, in fact, she’s immediately able to correctly determine that a piece of the Predator’s hardware is alien technology, just by glancing at it!). While undergoing tests, the Predator awakens and hastily makes his violent escape, forcing Bracket to team up with McKenna and his newfound squadron of misfits to stop the monster before a bigger, meaner menace reaches earth, setting its sights on Rory.

While posited as a direct sequel (brief lip service is paid to events of Predator and Predator 2), The Predator is actually more of a soft-reboot, once again pitting commandos against an unknown deep space threat. But whereas the previous films were strictly action movies with an edge of intergalactic-horror, The Predator is a straight-up comedy, and good lord it’s an unfunny one. This being a Shane Black script (co-written with The Monster Squad pal Fred Dekker), special attention is paid to adding as many quips, bon mots, and vulgarities as he can, transforming each character into an insufferable wiseacre.

Chief offenders are Key and Jane, partnered off here as a pair of Abbott and Costello-type yuksters. Jane is particularly troublesome, saddled with portraying a character inflicted with Tourette syndrome, reducing his performance to random and juvenile spouts of profanity, often at inopportune moments. One has to feel bad for Munn, who gives her all to this lousy picture but bears the brunt of Jane’s offensive comments. His dismal performance is what passes for humor in this movie.

Reshoots From Hell

Dismal writing is one issue; shoddy direction another. Black’s never been much of an action director, but he feels especially lost at sea here. The Predator serves up one chaotic action sequence after another, unleashing a bout of violence every fifteen minutes to prevent the audience from falling asleep. The film strives for bigness, going so far as to introduce a new breed of Predator, one demonstrably taller and deadlier than any we’ve seen before, but even that feels uninspired, falling flat under Black’s guiding hand.

There’s also a bizarre subplot to contend with, concerning a lobotomized Predator-dog who becomes an adorable, faithful companion to Dr. Bracket. Tee hee?

Perhaps the film’s great offense lies in the third act, which is one of the most atrociously assembled in recent memory. Having suffered a series of reshoots, The Predator’s grand finale lacks a shred of coherency, pitting the final showdown of humans vs. Predator in a nondescript, woodsy location. Frantic editing is ratcheted for maximum irritation as the war between both sides wages on (blink and you’ll miss a major character death), and climactic final set piece is a crude hodge-podge of poorly rendered digital effects. It’s miserable work all around.

The Predator: Conclusion

The Predator runs out of gas long before it reaches the finish line, capping off with an asinine teaser for more adventures to come. Whether or not it was studio-mandated, it’s a rather presumptuous move on Black’s part, as The Predator does everything it can to effectively kill off further interest in the franchise. Reclaiming the former glory of Arnie’s original film would have been an impossible task regardless, but it did not have to be like this. How the mighty have fallen indeed.

What do you think? Can Black reclaim his former glory as a screenwriter?

The Predator was released on September 12, 2018 in the UK and September 14, 2018 in the U.S.