FINAL SCORE: Die Hard In A Soccer Stadium… And It’s So Much Fun

I will watch pretty much anything related to the sport of soccer. So, when I saw the ridiculous poster and tagline for a movie called Final Score – “35,000 Lives. 90 Minutes. No Extra Time.” – well, I couldn’t resist. Filmed at the Boleyn Ground in London shortly before the fabled stadium was demolished, Final Score stars Dave Bautista as an ex-soldier who must stop terrorists from blowing up the stadium and everyone inside during a West Ham United game.

Described by many as “Die Hard in a stadium,” it is a pretty generic action-thriller despite its novel setting. That means if like me, you have a soft spot for action-thrillers, you’ll likely enjoy Final Score more than is generally deemed respectable. And if like me, you’re a soccer fan, you’ll likely find even more amusement in seeing one of the most famous stadiums in England serve as the backdrop for such a silly movie.

Come On You Irons?

Mike (Bautista) is visiting London to pay a visit to the family of his best friend, who died in combat. Mike’s relationship to his friend’s rebellious teen daughter, Danni (Lara Peake), is that of a loving and indulgent uncle. Knowing what a big fan of West Ham United Danni is, Mike surprises her with tickets to their big European semi-final tie against Dynamo FC. (Yes, just Dynamo FC.

Never mind that there are several clubs around the world who take their names from the Soviet sports society, including clubs in Moscow, Kiev, Dresden, and even Houston – this is apparently the one and only Dynamo. And yet somehow this isn’t even as ridiculous as the notion of West Ham playing in a European Cup semi-final. But I digress.)

Dynamo hail from Sekovia, a Russian republic that is not to be confused with the equally fictional Eastern European country of Sokovia from Avengers: Age of Ultron. Through an opening credits newsreel montage, we learn that nearly two decades ago, a revolution led by brothers Dimitri (Pierce Brosnan) and Arkady (Ray Stevenson) was stamped out when Dimitri apparently died and the Sekovians were unwilling to follow only Arkady into battle.

However, rumor has it that Dimitri escaped to England – and will be attending the Dynamo FC match. So, Arkady and his group of unsavory Sekovian buddies take the control room at the Boleyn Ground hostage during the game so they can comb the crowd for Dimitri’s face. Naturally, in case their nefarious plan goes awry, they’ve also planted some explosives in the stadium.

When Danni disappears during the game to meet up with a boy, Mike sets out to find her – and in the process, he walks right into Arkady’s plot. Things get even hairier when Danni is taken hostage by Arkady, who knows that Mike will throw all sense of heroic duty out the window when it comes to saving her. Using his very special set of skills, and with the help of a hapless stadium attendant named Faisal (Amit Shah), Mike attempts to stop Arkady from killing everyone in the stadium just to capture his brother.

Fun to the Final Whistle

Here are five absurd things that happen in Final Score:

• A police chief in a tuxedo punches someone in the face while yelling, “It’s not soccer, it’s football!”
• Faisal is subject to racist abuse from an elderly West Ham fan, which he later turns to his advantage by pretending to be a terrorist to get other racist West Ham fans to flee the stadium.
• Dave Bautista rides a motorcycle on the roof of the Boleyn Ground – and literally no one watching the game notices that this is happening.
• In fact, no one in the crowd notices that anything apart from soccer is happening in the stadium until the moment that Dave Bautista swings from the roof of the stadium on a banner and slams smack into the scoreboard.
• Pierce Brosnan gives an epic speech about sacrifice to Dave Bautista, and one realizes that this is James Bond himself playing a baddie in a film where a former James Bond baddie is the hero, meaning that we are truly living in an upside-down world. Also, when are we going to get a James Bond film with a set piece at a soccer stadium (no pun intended)? It would be peak England. 

If all of these things, plus a substantial amount of bloody violence, sound entertaining to you, then you’ll enjoy Final Score. Yes, the script is silly. Yes, the violence is gratuitous. Yes, the plot is absolutely unbelievable. Nonetheless, it’s the perfect movie for watching with friends around you and a beer in hand, especially when all of your favorite soccer teams are on hiatus and you’re desperate for a fix.

The action sequences are suitably insane and take place all around the Boleyn Ground, from the elevators to the kitchens to, as previously mentioned, the roof. Needless to say, the film’s unique setting is just as important of a character as the human beings who are attempting to kill each other inside it, and is one of the main reasons why Final Score is worth watching.

Speaking of those human beings: another reason why Final Score is surprisingly enjoyable is that its leading roles are perfectly cast. Bautista, acting in his second film for director Scott Mann following 2015’s Heist, is great in the starring role, bringing his signature warmth and humor to what could have been a bland, boring hero. Peake is utterly believable as the quintessential chav teenager and undergoes a surprising evolution in character over the course of the film as she learns to stop resenting her deceased father for dying while fighting on behalf of strangers.

Brosnan and Stevenson have the acting chops to make a pair of Russian thugs be far more interesting than they had any right to be. And as Faisal, a brown-skinned man who must constantly remind white people who assume he’s a foreigner that he’s from Brixton, Shah gets you to laugh with him, not at him. (You’re laughing at the racists, in case you were unsure.)

Together, all of these elements manage to keep you invested in Final Score beyond the mere prospect of seeing the Boleyn Ground get blown up. As far as whether that actually happens…well, you’ll just have to watch the film and find out.

Final Score: Conclusion

If you need to take a break from reading about all of the acclaimed films you’re missing out on seeing at all of fall’s prestigious film festivals, go ahead and watch Final Score. It might not be Oscar bait, but it’s a good time nonetheless. You’ll laugh so much watching Dave Bautista get booed by West Ham fans as he runs across the field in the middle of a match that you’ll forget that it’ll be months before you get a chance to see The Favourite.

What do you think? Does Final Score sound like a fun take on now-standard Die Hard tropes? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Final Score was released in the Uk on September 7, 2018 and will be released in the U.S. on September 14, 2018. You can find more international release dates here.