ARGYLE: Dry Spy Comedy With Short Supply of Absurdity

Around the end of the second act of Argylle, there’s a juicy twist revealed to the central character that is absurd with its levels of conspiracy. Her immediate reaction is to declare this development is dumb, to which the other characters kind of shrug as if those are the cards they were dealt. For a film that centers around a writer who sometimes succumbs to writer’s block, this film has all the flair of a first draft, tossing anything wild it can at the screen to see what sticks. It’s very runny.

The Accidental Spy

The writer at the heart of this story is Elly (Bryce Dallas Howard), an accomplished author of her spy novel series, Argylle. Her writing is so revered for how clearly she can picture her characters and how accurately they reflect real-life politics. Perhaps too accurate. While Elly argues that it’s all in the research, she seems unsure of how to proceed next in her novels.

Into her life comes Agent Aiden (Sam Rockwell), a snarky yet competent spy who catches her off-guard on a train. He arrives to protect Elly from bad men who want to kidnap her for the secrets she possesses. While Aiden is skilled in fighting off the many bad guys trying to attack Elly, he’s not how she imagined her heroic Argylle. No, in her mind, he’s a tall and buff dude played by Henry Cavill. But, if she imagines hard enough, she can place Cavill in these scenes as she seems to trip into fantasy while fleeing for her life. She’ll also have her cat along for the ride as the only companion she can truly trust.

An Unfocussed Dance

The plot itself is not all that compelling, as Elly’s intelligence is key to finding a file that will unearth a shadowy organization. That’s fine, so long as there’s an exciting journey to be had with a solid mixture of comedy and violence. On paper, some funny scenes involve everything from Elly’s reaction to dead henchmen to Aiden’s slyly clinical ways of coaxing Elly through fight sequences. Those expecting Sam Rockwell to fulfill his trademark of dancing will not be disappointed, but only if you like it more in volume than steps.

Director Matthew Vaughn has been accomplished enough to wield both, but this film feels stiffer and all over the place than Kingsman. Whether it’s the restrictive PG-13 rating or some order to present a more grounded spy comedy, this film doesn’t build all that well on its absurdity. It feels like it just keeps tossing every wild twist and silly scene into the scripts in hopes of keeping the energy high. While there is something mildly refreshing about Vaughn constantly shuffling the deck, the act itself grows tired after a while. By the time the film gets to its more uproarious moment of Bryce Dallas Howard skating on oil while slicing up goons, it feels way too standard.

An Underused Cast

Perhaps the film’s biggest crime is how it has an absolutely stacked all-star cast and only uses them to a limited degree. Bryan Cranston is an actor who can easily go from a believable dad to a vicious villain, but he only gets to exercise a wee amount of those chops as the film’s deceptive antagonist. Catherine O’Hara is always nice to see, but it’s telling that her biggest laugh in the film is the reveal of her true accent. Sofia Boutella occupies one scene as a holder of spy info, Dua Lipa is eye candy for the opening chase, and Ariana DeBose is so sparingly used her inclusion is baffling.

But the biggest waste of talent is Henry Cavill, John Cena, and Samuel L. Jackson. Cavill is only present as an imaginary character used for Elly to cope with her stress. The moment she had enough confidence, he was gone. Cena is also an imaginary character, posed as Argylle’s sidekick, but he’s used even less and seems present as the understated muscle and brains of the books. As for Jackson, he’s wisely framed as the knowing sage of this spy story, but how awkward is it that the bulk of his screen time is reserved for him watching a Lakers game on a big-screen TV? To be fair, if my part in a film was as small as it was here, that sounds like a dream role.

No Kingsman

It might not seem fair to compare Argylle to Vaughn’s more over-the-top Kingsman movies, but it’s a comparison that can’t be helped (especially for the film’s final twist). Although the Kingsman movies had a comic to draw from them, they had a clear parody/homage target of James Bond-style spy adventures. With Argylle, it’s all over the place, considering the weirdly secretive novel published alongside the film, where it seems like the most interesting thing about it was the rumor it was tied to Taylor Swift.

I kept waiting for that one moment to make my eyes bulge, as Vaughn’s other films have been known to do. There was never that one scene that made me laugh unexpectedly at the absurdity. For a film that keeps randomly placing in as many twists and weird moments as possible, from a Manchurian Candidate reveal to a slapstick with a cat (relax, the cat doesn’t die), very little of it impresses, and the early momentum dies in the second half. For as scattershot as the Kingsman films were, they were never this bland, to the point where a last-minute usage of Cavill doesn’t make any sense aside from one last funny thing to do with the actor. Sadly, it doesn’t work.

Conclusion: Argylle

While not as predictable as the pattern, Argylle doesn’t have much surprise despite its cast and energy. The whole experience is greatly disappointing as it ultimately feels like a lukewarm waste of talent. It’s a waste of Vaughn’s over-the-top direction for action, the talented ensemble assembled, and the story, which could’ve been a unique take on Romancing the Stone that ultimately ends up as a confusing start to a potential franchise.

Argylle is currently playing in theaters.